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Word of Advice...A Way to Mans Heart is His Stomach. Here Is Why.

 I’m going to go out on a limb here and may rub some people the wrong way. The cliché is true; the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. I see a lot of women running out here in the world (and I was one of them) wondering why they can’t find the one. We as women get so wrapped up in the superficial things like appearance; we forget this basic rule of thumb. I see some really sharp beautiful women wonder what one woman has over her. It’s probably that she cooks well and most importantly is not afraid of giving of herself, it’s that simple.A lot of those women couldn't be bothered with such mundane tasks, as cooking. I know some of people may feel I’m a doormat because it seems I’m always cooking and catering to Certain Someone. Au contraire, I’m hardly a door mat, I speak my mind, I work, I look out for me, and I expect to get nurtured back and spoiled in the same way I nurture Certain Someone. And I do. The reason I do what I do is because that’s what cooking and food is, nurturing and love. I choose to do it, no one forces me, and I have never been more centered.
 A few weeks ago there was a discussion I witnessed, between some people about mealtime and serving men. A lot of the women got all blistery about it and started in on a man can serve himself and can he cook the meal too for that matter.I love a man to cook for me but a few of us in the room were  thinking What’s the big deal about serving /feeding your man, if you choose to?There is nothing wrong or backwards with that choice either. My mother did it, my grandmother did it (and they were both working educated strong Black women). It’s not about submission, which I think is the wrong message most people see. It’s about nurturing, again. In this stressful world, I don’t care if you’re a millionaire or working class, one wants to come home to an environment that loving and peaceful. We all deserve to be nurtured. In order to be loved and nurtured we must be willing to give it too.
 Some people use sex as a weapon or lure, I use food. My first serious relationship was initiated through a package of homemade chocolate chip cookies by yours truly. It gets them most of the time. There have been some misses. I remember laying my sites on one prospect years ago, and setting out the finest china and linens at Auntie Mame's lake view condo. I made Veal Parmesan, a dessert of Grand Mariner marinated melon balls and ice cream. It was a big deal, to me anyway, after a bit of casual dating with said prospect. He came, he ate, he tickled the ivories (literally the Aunts baby grand not me) and he left, never really hearing from him again. I run that night through my head and feel I must have scared the crap out of him because the food was exceptional, or so I heard through various sources.Bottom line he wasn't worthy of that dinner from me, and he knew it. Certain Someone and I met over and bonded over our love of food and travel. I can say the first time I cooked for him, he was hooked. Certain Someone’s life is literally like the title of the film Up In the Air. After days working and with limited food options (some nice and not so nice, and many Business Class or First Class meals on airlines), he wants a home cooked meal. Just like Mama would make.
 I’m not a relationship expert, I just observe. And from what I see, there are a lot of women out there trying not to be forced into submission or controlled, and they equate cooking as part of that. Yet they seek relationships. They consider themselves free and liberal. I feel there is nothing more liberating and satisfying than giving cooking a try (not everyone is going to excel at it, but it’s the effort that matters) and removing that negative block and stigma. You would be surprised at what comes flowing into your life from such a loving activity.

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Memória said...

I agree and disagree with this post. I feel that any relationship should be based on equality. I don't think only women should cook for their men (if they are in a straight relationship). I think whoever finds pleasure in cooking or has the time and skill to cook should do it no matter the gender. I don't get why gender has to dictate who cooks for whom.

As a happy and proud lesbian, I enjoy cooking for my girl b/c I like to cook, and she doesn't. But when I (unfortunately haha) dated and married a man (huge mistake), he would cook for me b/c he had the skills, desire, and time. His propensity to cook had nothing to do with his gender.

A couple should show their love and appreciation for each other in different ways based on their own volition and skills, NOT based on their gender.

glamah16 said...

Thanks Memoria. When I wrote this I wanted to use the term partner , as I realized this applies to any couple , gay or straight. But I was trying to play it off the old saying . But you got my main point, in that we just have to be willing to give ourselves.

Chris said...

I love love love this post! So many awesome points that need to be placed in front of people everywhere. :)

Nina Timm said...

I could not have said it any better and totally agree!!1

L Vanel said...

Great thoughts. I always thought of cooking as an opportunity to express my love and never a chore.

Rosa's Yummy Yums said...

My first relationship was very food-oriented. At that time, my boyfriend (who was Thai) loved to eat and cook for others. That's how my love for cooking started.

Now, I nurture my boyfriend. I have chosen that role and there is no submission whatsoever. I love show my appreciation of others through food...



nyvette1Luv said...

What's the big deal about serving /feeding your man, if YOU choose to?

or serving /feeding your Your Children or Your Relatives for the that matter!
Women still have Freedom of Choice in this world & if it floats your boat, feels right & in alignment with your core beliefs,your Family's Household & Culture?

then Do it, joyfully! & be at peace with your decision- IMHO, A covenant between a Woman & Her Man or a Woman & her Child, her Family is so personally unique and needs no justification.

There are many accomplished creative Male cooks out there
that choose to prepare most of the meals for their Families,too!

To each his own - Live & Let Live!

The Nurturing, Love & Respect will usually be reciprocated, in it's own sweet way.
Do what's right for You & Your Family! ~peace nyvette

kellypea said...

Oh my! I LOVE this. A woman after my own heart. Honestly, how can someone not know how to cook? I'll never understand it. When we had our kitchen remodeled, the builder was telling me about a client who had a staggeringly expensive kitchen put in even though the owners wouldn't use it because they didn't know how to cook and get this -- because they didn't want to get it dirty. Hahahahahaha! I say Yea to women (and men) who understand the importance and lure of incredibly good food (in moderation, of course :)

Heather said...

You know I feel exactly the way you do, but we still need to keep in mind that not all women are good cooks or even like cooking. More shocking still, not all men care about food or that we cook well. I spent three years tryna turn my first boyfriend into a foodie, and just never stopped being picky.

I knew my husband was the one for me when he came over with some friends for a casual soup and biscuits dinner at my house, and after tasting it asked me, "is this homemade chicken stock?"

~~louise~~ said...

Fabulous post Courtney! It had to be said...

Ruralrose said...

eloquently written, "he didn't deserve it", just wonderful - food isn't what we eat as much as how we connect - peace